It's getting real...

I looked at my phone messages on Monday night and was excited to find a call from the Mayo Clinic.

Would they tell me that I had to wait for further deterioration before I could be evaluated for transplant?

Or would they tell me to make the drive to Rochester to go through a battery of tests and meetings?

It turned out to be the latter. Yay! They're going to evaluate me for transplant in April!

Wait a minute. They're going to evaluate me for transplant... Crap. As they say in the movies (?), shit's getting real.

I'm trying to stay positive, telling myself that this way I'll be able to get my name on the transplant list as soon as my eGFR hits 20. I'll be able to maximize my time on the list.

But every so often, the positivity slips and the fear and anxiety appear. And the questions. All the questions...

Will I be able to keep working? Will I be able to afford this? How will this affect my retirement? Will I be able to retire early? How will I pay for health care if I retire early? Would I even be able to qualify for insurance? Will I have to go on disability? Can I find a live donor? Will I have to wait for a deceased donor? How much time will it take to find a Type O kidney? Will it be in good condition? And while I wait, dialysis?!? Can I get used to needles? Can I do this?!?

But then I take a deep breath. I tell myself there's nothing I can do about most of this. And I take another deep breath. And I live my life. And wait.